Naruto Nightmares
by lemmesee
Summary: Ninjas have nightmares. It's a fact of life. But what is their worse nightmare? Sorry, but I tried to make it funny!
1. Naruto's Nightmare

MUAHAHAHAHAHA! NEW STORY! NEW STORY!

I don't own Naruto, but I hope you find what I did to it a little fun.

Review! down at the bottom! at the end! you can't miss it!

START

Naruto has had many nightmares in his young eventful life. So many of the nightly terrors and fears, that the young ninja lies awake on his bed at night, trying hard not to give in to sleep and dreams because he knows that he would wake up again in a short time in cold sweat.

However, right now the sun was shining brightly. The trees and grass proudly upheld the brightest green leaves ever seen, adored with beautiful and gorgeous flowers. It was the type of day people would burst into song about love and harmony; and dance up and down the street together in strange unison. The day was just a normal, bright, and very happy day in the village of Konoha. The day that was very normal.

Almost _too_ normal.

In fact, if Naruto wasn't completely distracted by his oh so empty belly, he would have realized the normality of Konoha was, well, just a little too strange/weird/bizarre. After all, being normal in a town of weirdos makes you out to be insane. For example, where the hell was Ino-san, dragging along and bribing a heavily complaining Shikamaru to train, followed by a chip munching Chouji? Where was Sasuke-teme (the evil bastard and rival) running away from all of his adoring and obsessed fans? And where the hell was Gai-sensei, trying way to hard at beating Kakashi-sensei while proclaiming about the, "YOUTHFULNESS OF SPRINGTIME WITH LOVE FILLING YOUR HEART COMPLETELY! YOSH! FIND THE LOVE OF SPRINGTIME, DAMMIT!" and all of his other BS like that?

If Naruto wasn't thinking about ramen, he would have been very freaked out by right about now. Probably to the point where he hides underneath the bed, refusing to come out until the Hokage finally destroys his house to force him out.

But the slightly pathetic truth was, our oblivious hero was hungry. And whenever Naruto's stomach growled, he only thought about one thing…

"RAMEN! YAY!" yelled the ninja. Skipping down the street, he happily clutched Gama-chan, his froggy wallet that was about to burst at the seams with a mother lode of money. Running into the Ramen Stand, or what he calls "God's Gift to Earth," the boy leaped on the stool, grinning as wide as possible.

"Naruto-kun!" the old man behind the counter smiled at his favorite (and best) customer, "What do you want to eat?"

Truthfully, that was also strange. The old man always knew that Naruto didn't care what ramen he got as long as he got his beloved ramen.

Unfortunately, Naruto didn't catch on to that small detail (he thinks with his stomach, which is achingly empty right now). Beaming up to the elder man, the boy chirped, "One Miso Ramen please!"

Suddenly everything paused. Naruto looked up to see the old man staring at his in shock, not even realizing that the room emptied out, "Ano…What's wrong?"

"You didn't hear about _it _yet?" asked ojii-san, still gaping like a fish.

The teenager just held on to Gama-chan, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion, eyes squinting in (painful) thought, "Huh? Hear about what?"

"Well it's just that you're so connected with…" the older man trailed off, rethinking the statement, "Have you talked with Hokage-sama recently?"

Naruto shook his head fast, still confused. Why would he care what obaa-chan had to say about his precious ramen?

Ojii-san leaned forward, his eyes betraying unusual and freaky seriousness, "You really haven't heard about _it_ at all?"

Ready to explode with impatience and confusion, Naruto leaped off the stool and yelled at the elder, "Dammit! What haven't I heard! Tell me!"

The old man shook his head as fast as possible, looking as if he was afraid for his life, "No! No, no! You better hear _it_ directly from the Hokage-sama."

"NO!" Naruto shouted, now desperately curious (and also fearing his own life from the slightly insane Hokage, but we won't get into that), "Tell me, dammit! NOW! Tell me about what?!"

Opening his mouth, then closing it yet again, the old man tried to decide whether he valued his life or telling the secret more, "…Well…fine. I'll tell you. BUT if, and only if!, you don't try to kill me afterwards."

Mouth slightly gaping at the foreign gravity of the conversation, Naruto nodded and even tacked on a good, "I promise," with the nods.

"Alright…" Oh kami-sama! His eyes aren't even twinkling! "You know that Tsuande-sama is a medic-nin, correct."

Naruto rolled his eyes, "She also punches as hard as hell and threw walls, ojii-san. What's your point?"

The glare the old man gave him, quelled the comment, "_As I was saying_, so Hokage-sama has been involved in various studies and experiments. You know, they give something to a group of people and watch how they react? Any who, she was directing one not too far away, some place called NCI-"

"What does that mean? Ninja Cuts Iodine?"

"No, it's something else…I can't remember the name…Ah, well, mustn't have been all that important. Anyway, they had something called a 'breakthrough' I think. Don't give me that look, I'm not sure what it means! So she came out with this 'decree' of some sort…"

"Breakthrough? Decree?" Naruto finally opened his mouth to question, "Old man, I think your making up words to confuse me."

"I AM NOT!" the elder yelled back, "Y'see, the decree means the law or something…"

Naruto huffed, "Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

Rolling his eyes back, the old man answered, "I'm only repeating what I heard! Ahem, so she made this decree- _law_ whatever! -and what _it_ said…_it…it_ was horrible."

Now Naruto was starting to get a wee bit terrified… "What?! What the hell is it?! Dammit, stop dancing around the issue-thing and tell me!"

"If you really want to know…? Are you absolutly sure you want to know?" ojii-san leaned closer, trying to decide if Naruto was worthy enough to know.

The boy almost cracked from the pressure, "Of all the Kami-damned…YES I'M SURE!"

The old man bent over the counter, closing one eye to examine Naruto with only his open one, "No, are you really, _really,_ sure you do want to know?"

"If you don't tell me now, I'LL GUT YOU WITH MY CHOPSTICKS!" Naruto screamed at the top of his longs, desperate for answers.

Ojii-san retracted himself in order to cover his ringing ear, "Geeze, kid. Temper! It was just a question!"

Naruto shouted, "TELL ME!"

"Fine dammit, I'll tell you," taking a small breath, he launched, "Okay, they found something called _can-sir_ can kill you. Except it's really rare and you pretty much get it if you do not so good stuff to your body. And well, you 'increase the risk of contracting' or what not if you stay in the sun, 'nd if you breathe in smoke, 'nd if you…eat certain foods…"

Naruto didn't get it, "So?"

"So…Tsunande-sama passed the decree and…well…" he trailed off, trying to find the right words.

"What did she do? What did she say?" asked Naruto, his stomach in butterfly land.

The old man decided to give it up straight, "The Hokage-sama banned ramen or food any relation to ramen from ever being bought or sold in Fire Country ever again."

…

Naruto couldn't speak. His brain utterly shut down. Eyes wide and denying, he stood there, feeling broken beyond use. As if he had died and gone to hell.

Ojii-san continued cheerfully, "But we found another food we could sell! It's popular now, Hokage-sama said it can help you live longer! Brussels sprouts?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Naruto flew off of his bed and into the kitchen. Throwing open the cabinets, he began to count all of the ramen containers he had, to make sure he had enough since obaa-baka stopped everyone from selling ramen, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine…wait…"

Naruto stood still for a second, trying to get his bearings, "Yes, ramen is here! Yay! Tomorrow, Sasuke-teme will buy me a dozen more bowls!"

End!

yes, my fun fic, I plan on making a small series, but I want your imput! Do you like it?

NCI- National Cancer Institute…yeah.

REVIEW...OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!!!!!


	2. Sasuke's Nightmare

Ufufufufufufufufufufufufufufufufufufu! I'M BAAAAAAAACK!!

Nyahahaha! Thanks to **aoimizuneko** for the lovely review! REVIEW!

START

As a Uchiha, the most prosperous family in their ninja village 'Konoha,' there was an unspoken rule that none of the higher ranked family got scared at all. Fear was for the commoners, not the descendents of nobility. Frankly, for a person of their stature, it would be rather degrading to panic at some lesser being.

For the Uchihas, there were absolutely no such thing as 'bogey men' in the closet nor 'monsters' under the bed, waiting to eat them when you least expect it. Anything distinctly threatening them could and would be taken care of with a kunai-dagger. Their children were the silent ninja prodigies, taking lives with no remorse. After all, the Uchihas were well known throughout the land as "The Deadly Ice Pricks of Konoha."

Even so, that proud family were all dead and rotting in graves. Save for the youngest two of the once great family: the powerful traitor who killed them all, Itachi; and the last Uchiha and self-appointed Avenger, Sasuke. The two brothers tried to uphold the family tradition and pride: show no fear.

As far as Sasuke knew, Itachi didn't have any emotions to speack of, let alone fear, so he wasn't breaking the unwritten rule. Sasuke thought it was obvious that he was the weaker of the two brothers; the one who trained the hardest and, more often than not, broke the sacred rule. However, Sasuke had to deal with the most frightening threat of all…

Fangirls.

"SASUKE-KUN!" one of those _things _shrieked, her eyes wide and maniacal and her mouth grinning widely to reveal way too white teeth.

Another one, with inhuman blonde hair, causing the object of her infection, sorry _affection_, to thinkshe must have had to kill some blonde ferret to get it (**1)**, declared, "I love you, Sasuke-kun!"

A die-hard Fangirl with bright pink hair (looking a little too much like Sakura from what Sasuke could see) even cried, "I'll carry your baby, love!"

Running as fast as he could, Sasuke bereted himself for not taking the necessary precautions. Precautions such as a torch blower or maybe one of the chainsaws he saw on a catalog. Mildly entertaining the thought of cutting the non-humans into little bits, Sasuke almost didn't notice he had slowed down.

"SASUKE-KUN!" oh, never mind. Now he has noticed. Before the swarm of Fangirls descended upon him, ravishing every inch of exposed body and tearing close away to ravish even more, Sasuke ran with even more vigor. It wasn't long before he lost them, ending up in a dark and creepy alley.

But Sasuke wasn't scared. Nope, not a bit. Not at all. Fear was for people who couldn't think; therefore, can't act. Uchihas aren't like that. Especially not Sasuke, the last Uchiha, who had to grow up all by himself.

He even wasn't afraid of the shadows, ready to tear him apart. Hiding all the sick and twisted psychopaths, who would rip pieces of flesh out, pinch by pinch. Or hiding all those freaky perverts who would love a young specimen like himself (cough Orochimaru cough). Or, even worse, hiding some stalker Fangirl thing. Or…

Okay, now he was just freaking himself out. But…

Ohmigawd, what was that?! Who the hell moved over there?! Oh, kami-sama save him! The disembodied creature kept moving slowly towards him!

Sasuke nearly panicked, screaming in his head, '_What should I do? Kami-sama! The thing is moving closer! What to do, what to do, what to…wait…'_

His genius brain finally kicked into full-gear. Even if it was a freak like a mass murderer, pervert, or a monster (Fangirls fall under this category) they still would still be forced to succumb to fire! Gee, why didn't he think of that before? It wasn't like he was panicking or anything!

His hands flashed through the seals, "Gyso…"

"Sasuke-teme!" the creature called out cheerfully.

Sasuke choked on the fire rising through his throat from the jutsu. He knew that voice! Only one person actually had the audacity to call him a bastard!

Naruto came bounding out of the shadows, his blonde hair shining and the huge grin plastered across his face, "Yo, bastard! Whatcha doing in this dark and creepy alley?"

"Hn, dobe," grunted Sasuke, hiding the fact that he revealed a small amount of fear before his loud and annoying rival bounced out of the shadows.

"That wasn't a f---king answer," pouted Naruto, oddly tacking on at the end, just as an afterthought, "And don't call me a damn dobe, you bastard."

As a prodigy, Sasuke found it odd that Naruto wasn't reacting as strongly to the insulting nickname as he used to but dismissed it, "What the hell do you want, usuratonkachi?"

"That's mean Sasuke. Strikes me right in the heart, it really does," after yet another odd statement, the Uchiha knew something was amiss with Naruto.

Sasuke slammed the blonde idiot into the brick wall of the alley, growling savagely in the wiskered face, "Who are you and what have you done with Naruto?"

The boy, despite being pressed up against the wall by his greatest enemy, glared right back rebelliously, "What the hell are you talking about, you bastard?"

"You can't be Naruto," Sasuke leaned in even closer, almost nose to nose, "Naruto has a direct contact from brain to mouth. He'll say whatever comes to mind first."

Squirming, Naruto vehemently growled. He twisted out of the awkward grip and punched Sasuke very hard, "I'm not that stupid, bastard!"

Sasuke released him in favor of pressing a sleeve against his bleeding lip, "Yes you are, dobe," he announced, satisfied with that Naruto-ish reaction at least.

But that changed in under a second. Before his eyes, Naruto froze up and suddenly became a different person all together, "Fo' shizzle. What up wit choo, man? Firs' de slam and den de names? Wha're ya doin' boy?" asked Naruto (complete with rap gestures!), taking no notice of Sasuke freezing up in shock.

What the hell was up with the blonde annoyance? And what the hell was that weird…talk-thingy?...he just did? "Hn…Dobe? Are you…alright?"

Naruto froze up again, than smiled wanly, "Like, totally man!" cheered Naruto, with another bizarre switch in his personality, "'Cause, like, nature's all _in tune_ with me, you know? It's, like, totally awesome, man!"

Now Sasuke felt something akin to fear take a hold of his throat and tighten it. But it wasn't fear, nu-huh, because Uchihas don't get scared, nope. But what was going on?

Naruto gave the other boy a sudden glare, "You don't understand at all do you?" tears started to fill up his bright blue eyes, "Do one does! Everyone in this f---ing town hates me and no one understands me! Why don't they understand?"

Sasuke was ready to run. He had no idea what was going on, but Naruto wasn't acting like himself. Sure he was really dumb (after all, he kept shouting at the strongest man in the village how he was going to beat him) but Naruto was always the pillar. Even in this constantly changing world, Naruto would still be there to yell at him, "You damned bastard! What's with the stick up your ass? You ready to fight? I'll beat you this time, believe it! And I'll become the best Hokage ever!"

"Jest bee-cauyse I gots some-ting in me, don't means I ain't human neither! 'Nd bee-cauyse yeh are some big shot cleby fam-i-ly don't mean yeh'R all dat special neither!"

At Naruto's weird yell with the even stranger accent, Sasuke decided this might be a good time to split, with a single, "Hn," he walked away rather quickly, his steps almost becoming a trot.

"Sasuke-kun, don't go away!" cried Naruto, running after him. Sasuke paused for a moment. 'Sasuke-kun'? Where did that come from? Unless…no, it couldn't be. Those _things_ couldn't be human, there's no possible way Naruto could have…

"I love you, Sasuke-kun! I want to marry you! Can I have your child! Wait that's not possible is it? Never mind, our love will make it happen!" happily shrieked Naruto, glomping a surprised and shocked Sasuke.

Okay, screw the Uchiha's family rule. Sasuke was terrified.

He actually screamed, "Get off me, get off me!" trying to run away into the busy street with Naruto clinging around his neck in Fangirl…Fanboy?…ism bliss.

Without dislodging, Naruto all but screamed in his ear, "But, Sasuke-kun! I wuv you!"

Sasuke gave up screaming the weird not-Naruto to remove himself this instant, but instead turned to the immobile villagers, "Get it off! Now! Get it off!"

"Sasuke!" a different voice cried out.

The ninja ignored it in favor of crying out to the statue of people, "Get the damned _thing_ off!"

"Sasuke!" suddenly someone was shaking his shoulder, "Sasuke!"

Slowly opening his eyes, he blinked at the sight of Kakashi bending over with his face directly in his personal bubble. A upturned fold in his mask and his eye crinkling indicated he smiled, "Ah, you're awake. Finally."

"What just happened?" asked Sasuke in a daze, more to himself than his sensei.

Kakashi stood up but still looked at his student straight in the eye with his one dark eye, "You dozed off sometime after Naruto and Sakura started to spar. It's over and I was about to wake you up, when you suddenly shouted, 'Get it off! Get it off!' or something like that."

Shaking his head, Sasuke muttered, "So it was just a dream…"

Kakashi seemed to smirk, but no one could tell because of that damned mask he always wears, "I'll say it was more like a nightmare. What was…"

The curious teacher was cut off by his blonde student running up, "Sasuke-kun! Will you…"

Before he could finish, Sasuke took off, leaving behind only a pair of skid-marks where he once stood.

Naruto stared at the spot for a full second before whining out loud, "I just wanted some ramen…Hey Kakashi-sensei, will you maybe…?"

But Naruto was to be disappointed yet again, because Kakashi already walked off with a concealed smirk and a mumbled, "Now I know what it's about."

END

**1**: Kill a blonde ferret? Totally stole that from the "Amazing Bouncing Ferret"! You'll get it if you read Harry Potter.

**2**: Incase you couldn't get what was up with all the mangled accents, Sasuke is mostly terrified that his Naruto will change.

Truthfully, I was rather disappointed with this one, it sounded much better in my mind.

Tell me what you think! REVIEW! you know, the little button on the bottom! You want to!


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